It's that blogging bastard banging out a blog again. Bang.
August was a bit of an off month for me, as I spent much of it drinking and thinking, in about a 60-40 ratio drink to think. Being the end of summer, I always use this time as an excuse to party my ass off and as a result am only just barely able to peel my sorry ass out of bed in time for what little work I have. Blogging during these boozy summer days is nearly impossible as the back light of my screen makes me nauseous. Plus I get sorta brooding when I drink unless there is a dance floor involved. And who wants brooding? Not here cuz this blog is FUN TOWN, baby! We can't stop having fun when we're in FUN TOWN can we? Yay, FUN TOWN, oh yeah!!!
[editors note: Fun Town, the fictional hamlet in Luis' mind, was burned to the ground two days after this blog was written. A gas stove was left on in an old women's first floor kitchen and a fire broke out. The women, one Mildred Horseclap, was allegedly upstairs in her games room having too much fun instead of paying attention to the family supper she was preparing. The fire, now a raging inferno, spread to a nearby propane bottling plant where the workers, too busy having fun in a nearby stock yard, were not present to notice the creeping flames. The resulting explosions tore apart two city blocks, and Fun Town being only two and half blocks, was pretty well razed to the ground. The only two structures still standing are the public aquarium (very fun, you should visit!) and the Town Hall. Luis, having been mayor at the time of this accident, was devastated. He feels personally responsible for failing his civic duty to protect and maintain the thriving tourist destination that existed only in his mind. Please do whatever you can to refrain mentioning Fun Town to him as it will spiral him into a complete and total mental breakdown. Thanks. We will now restart this blog on a more serious note. We appreciate your readership.]
It's fall again and with it comes a crisp wind scented like burning wood. I love that smell. I have no idea where it comes from considering I'm sitting in the urban jungle, but autumn always seems to bring it no matter where you are.
I like the fall. Yes, there is something sad about falling leaves, crunchy walks underfoot and barren branches. But this change, even in a mangled world of concrete, refuses to stop its inevitable course. And in a world where we either resist change to the point of stagnation or embrace it to the point of utter confusion, it is nice to see something that always happens as it should.
Well, I guess we've delayed it with global warming... We've affected even that haven't we? Shit, I thought that was pretty well said. Well, I'm just happy that it seems to be coming when its SUPPOSED to this year. Not a very popular sentiment, I know, but I like my Septembers crisp and cool. Yes, yes, the summer sun is everyone's drug, but I'm a fall kinda guy.
For one I'm better dressed in the fall. I am no fashionista but I can look pretty good with a little effort. But the summer is just too fucking hot to look good. Sure, I could be dressed to the tits but does it really matter when you've sweat your shirt translucent? It's hard to make bodily fluid sexy...well, its hard to admit publicly that it is. Either way, bodily fluid never did me any favors. Ok, there was that one time my semen drove my mom to the airport but that doesn't count. He owed me big time....
So all I have to wear in the summer is a bunch of ironic tee shirts and shitty sports shorts. And ironic tee shirts are like quick hit jokes; funny only the first time you hear them. After the third time you're sick of it. There is a shelf life. And some of my tee shirts expired around the same time the milk in my fridge did. Oh but Fall! Suddenly there is a host of jackets, hats and scarves that come into play. When your bearded this turns you from crack bum to pretentious intellectual faster then you can say Fun Tow....never mind.
My point is I can now go back to being a pretentious intellectual, which is where I want to be. Or rather I just want to look that way as I bum around for crack.
I get very mellow in the fall. Its around this time that I feel like every element of my life needs to be held and reminded that it is loved. I guess its because fall reminds us that change is around the corner at all times, and that we should be thankful for what we have now...hey, I guess thats why Thanksgiving happens around now. Am I stupid for just realizing that now? Probably, right? Bah.
And Halloween is the shit. I'm a sucker for dressing up in a costume, drinking profusely and making out with someone dressed like a cat, only to realize it was in fact your best friends father dressed as Yogi the Bear. That was one wild Halloween, I'll tell you sir.
Clearly, I am just not capable of being serious right now.
I just like the fall. Alright? Do I have to explain everything? It's a nice time. It smells good, I have clothes, I get all heady, I can wear pants. Now I've got some random observations.
Random observation #1:
There is this older guy at the SkyDome who is one of my regular customers. He always buys a single Bud Lime Beer and chats with me pleasantly. He seems to be rather wealthy and talks with what I am guessing is a dutch accent. He calls me Jimmy. I haven't the heart to correct him. Is it weird to ignore an obvious mistake, accept it and then have it become so widely accepted for such a long period of time that to correct it now would unearth a huge lie that most likely will make him wonder why it was not corrected in the first place? Yeah, I thought so too.
Random observation #2
People stop understanding english when the TTC streetcar driver yells, "EVERYONE COULD YOU PLEASE MOVE TO THE BACK! I can not stand this. He isn't asking a question, he is making a statement. There is an entire third of the streetcar empty at the back and yet people who are waiting outside aren't admitted on because there is no room. PEOPLE, MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASS TO THE BACK OF THE FUCKING STREETCAR. This is not about human rights. There is no longer a stigma with sitting at the back of the bus. People need to get on, so move it. I swear to you, people are told this and they stand unmoving and blank faced. "Nope, I don't have to move nowhere, I'm an important person doing important things". UGH. Mark my words I will be more vocal about this in the future. If you are a friend of mine on transit with me, I am truly sorry but I am going to embarrass us.
Random Observation #3
I was coming home with my home slice Brittney in a taxi cab and we were bantering like a drunken Abbott and Costello. This somehow affected the taxi cab driver who amused and smirking asked, "Can you play cassettes?". I was unclear as to what this meant. "You mean like VHS?" "No" he replied, "Like music cassettes. Cassette tapes." Truth be told I couldn't and still can't, but smelling free offerings I replied, "Uh , yeah. " After our ride was completed he pulled out a HUGE box of cassette tapes. "Yeah, I gave them to my daughter, but she moved and made me take them back." It was solid gold baby. Everything from The Guess Who to the Dire Straits. Britt took home Motley Crue but who could blame her? Since then, I've been telling people about this find. No one cares. "Yeah, you ever heard of a computer?. You can have any song you want. Now you've got a huge box on your floor" I guess I'm a dinosaur cuz I'm loving this cosmic gift. Now if only I could find some way to play these cassettes....
ARRRRRRRGGGH!!!!
I'm sorry. Fun Town is gone. And its all my fault. They're all dead! DEAD! I just can't do this right now.
That Blogging Bastard
[editors note: Ok, who mentioned Fun Town? Seriously guys, he's gone off the deep end now. Who was it? Who the fu... Oh wait, he probably read the editors note...this is my fault. Oh God, this is all my fault. ARRRRRGGGH! I just can't do this right now. ]
[random observation #4: Absinth and blogging make for some pretty bizarre writing, no? Oh, I'm sorry? Who is writing this if Luis and his editor are gone? Hi, I'm Peter. I'm Luis friend's dad who he met dressed as Yogi the Bear. Now that was a wild Halloween, let me tell you sir....]
